“It’s not the events of our lives that shape us, but our beliefs as to what those events mean.” Tony Robbins
Like chains limiting beliefs can confine and restrict us, they contain us within a certain way of seeing the world which defines what we think, how we behave and feel and the way in which we see others.
When I started doing Inner Child work I became aware of the fact that I lived my life feeling like my Mum didn’t like me. I believed that I had done something awful, I didn’t know what it was, so I could never make it better. It is what I believed and it felt absolutely “true.
Did this limit me?
Of course it did, because it was always there in my relationship with my Mum, like a huge elephant in the living room that we never talked about. I desperately wanted to know what I had done that was so awful that she didn’t like me. I wanted to be able to put it right, but my fear of what I might find out always outweighed that desire to know.
In a therapy session with my EFT practitioner, working on my relationship with my Mum, I suddenly had the most amazing bolt of emotion surge over me like a tidal wave. I could barely speak and hardly move. My therapist gently asked me some questions and I said.
“I’ve done something to Alastair.” Alastair is my younger brother.
As we progressed I remembered snippets of something from my early childhood. I was about 4 and there was my new baby brother in his carry-cot. The next thing I knew my Mum was shouting at me and I did not know why.
In that moment I formed my belief.
“I have done something wrong, I didn’t know what it was, but Mum doesn’t like me now”
I don’t remember what I did, I doubt it was much. Maybe I was trying to pick the baby up or to play with him, maybe I poked him and made him cry. But whatever it was my Mum was most probably over reacting because her lioness instinct to protect the infant over-rode anything else, including how I might feel.
It wasn’t my Mum at all, it was ME.
At 4 years old I couldn’t make Mummy wrong because I depended on her so I made myself wrong. It was only ever me who saw the elephant in the room, because I had created it in order to try and make sense of a situation I didn’t understand, to survive.
This is what happen to us in life, especially when we are little. Difficult or traumatic situations occur and we give them a meaning, usually something negative to do with ourselves or the world. We then live by that belief, feeling it is true. It becomes the veil through which we see the world.
For me tapping with EFT has been transformative in working with limiting beliefs. It is only by accepting we have them that we can then begin to examine them, to understand where they have come from, and then we can transform them so they are no longer activated by present day circumstances, we are freed from their grip.
Change is Always Possible.
Once we accept our limits, we go beyond them.