Painting panic

“Tenacity is when you follow your heart—when the whole world is screaming to get back into your head.” 

Sonia Choquette

A painting story continues I am abandoning any attempts to concertina it into some arbitrary idea about how much I should or should not write. I am about to embark on a year long project and feel it is important to record how I got to this point.

“Will I learn how to use my iPhone better?” I naively asked

A friend of mine had been talking about a film course they wanted to attend in Glasgow. It sounded interesting so in late July 2023 I went looking for said course. I thought she said it was at the Glasgow School of Art so my search began there.

I couldn’t find it but I did find something else which scared the pants off me. As I scrolled through the short courses one title caught my attention and caused a visceral reaction in me.  ‘No! No! No! I can’t.”  But I found myself back again and again reading all the details.

“I can’t do that. I’d have to go to Glasgow every single week.” For context I live a 3hr drive or train ride from Glasgow. The course was all day and started at 10am. “

No, Mairi, it’s impossible. Forget it.”

I couldn’t forget it. GUS (Great Universal Spirit) had spoken and I’d been trained to listen, to trust my gut   and it was speaking loud and clear. However, my head was getting in the way.

After running through all the reasons why not and almost convincing myself that indeed it was a daft idea  I called my artist sister Morag Smith. As I poured out all my excuses she cut right through my bullshit and told me to go.

“It’s the GSA Mairi!”

Booking made I constructed a plan. Travel down on Tuesdays, stay overnight, go for breakfast, attend the course and then get the train home that evening.

After returning from an eventful holiday in Istanbul on the Monday I set of for Glasgow on Tuesday the 3rd of Oct. My friend had been ill while we were on holiday which involved a hospital visit and a lot of weird and wacky experiences so I was exhausted and slept all the way to Glasgow.

Walking to my hotel canvases tucked under my arm, bag full of paints, palette and brushes I felt excited, legit, maybe I could be an actual artist.  I felt like I did when I went off to study at the London College of Fashion. I was 21 then and so creatively free. What the heck happened?

That feeling didn’t last, next morning panic set in. What the hell did I think I was doing? Thank God I know about EFT and relaxation techniques, I used them ALL.  As I walked to college I felt paralysed by fear so I and called my sister who very sensibly reminded me,

“The clue is in the name Mairi, it’s a beginners course.”

Yes, she was right, I was attending an Introduction to Oil Painting, dah, we’d all be learning. I made it into the room. Took my place and the painting began.

“Every child is an artist; the problem is staying an artist when you grow up”

Pablo Picasso