What Blocks Us From Achieving Real Change In Our Lives, Part 3 – Kindness

Kindness is the language which the deaf can hear

and the blind can see. Mark Twain

When I read this quote I softened a little inside,  I get what it means at a soul level,  I feel it with my heart.  This is the place we need to come from towards ourselves.
If you have been following my previous posts about awareness and acceptance, and have tried them out in your own life,  it is entirely possible that this has been an uncomfortable experience for you. Coming out of denial and shining a light on the truth of who we are and how our life is can be a painful.
To then be asked to accept this reality may feel like too much and we tip over into self-loathing and criticism because we cannot bear what is revealed.  It feels unacceptable that we,  or our lives are actually like this and we want to hide,  go back into denial or take immediate action to change it, because sitting with the feelings is hard,  it takes real courage.  But this is what I am asking us to do.  To stay with ourselves no matter how we are.  To extend kindness towards ourselves in this time of difficulty.

We are as we are for a very good reason. We may not know what that reason is but be assured there is one.

Even though we may be doing something hurtful or damaging towards ourselves or others, even though we may find our feelings almost too much to bear,  underneath there lies a part of us who is faithfully carrying out an instruction.  This directive was created some time in the past,  a decision was made that a certain way of being, of seeing the world and ourselves would keep us safe or help us to survive something.

This concept can be challenging especially if we are faced with self-defeating behaviours that only seem to complicate our lives. But that is now;

When it all started there would have been a very good reason for being this way, it was a solution.

For years and years I got annoyed with myself because I stayed up too late and lived in a permanent state of sleep deprivation.  I had alarms that went off and I just ignored them,  I set the light in the living room on a timer to switch off to remind me to go to bed and I just switched it on again.  I had therapy and coaching and still I stayed up too late.  As the years went on and I watched the bags under my eyes become a permanent featured etched on my face I began to despair.

What the hell was wrong with me and why oh why was I being so mean to myself?

The light of awareness eventually shone in a conversation with a friend.  We were sharing some of our experiences of being brought up in alcoholic homes.  I was taking about how when I was younger my Dad did all his drinking in the pub and then came home fu’ as we say in Scotland.  Arguments often ensued between my parents which woke me up.  It was horrendous and very scary to hear the fighting and I would just lie there frozen until my Dad eventually passed-out or made it to bed.  Then I could safely go back to sleep knowing it was all quiet and I would not be disturbed again.

Ah, ha! I had an inner child running the show,  waiting till at least midnight or later till everyone else was in bed and the house was quiet,  then it was safe to go sleep.

On realising this I was able to comfort that frightened part of me to understand and eventually to help her,  help me,  to go to bed earlier.

Now all I have to work on is the anger I feel when I get woken up, but that’s another story!

So gently turn towards yourself, place your hands over your heart and say:

  • I know there is a good reason for this behaviour, please revealed it to me?
  • Where did I learn this?
  • When did this start?
  • What do I get out of this behaviour, what does it give me?
  • Is there an underlying emotion associated with this behaviour and if so what is it?

The chances are that you are dealing with a younger part of yourself who needs gentleness,  kindness and comforting,  this is when,  more than ever before,  we need to extend that unspoken sense of caring towards ourselves.

You yourself, as much as anybody in the entire universe, deserve your love and affection

Buddha

Use EFT to tap on all you uncover:

Even though I do………….and it’s because…………, or it gives me…………I love and accept myself anyway.

Check out my EFT Tapping Basics page for more about how to use EFT.

Or to book a Free Change Is Always Possible Consultation to learn more about how I could help.