Learn to let go and relax.
Someone once told me to “stop shoulding on myself.” I didn’t even know what they were talking about. My “shoulding’ was so habitual and ingrained it took quite some time for me to even start to hear myself.
The Oxford Dictionary definition for should says: Used to indicate obligation, duty, or correctness, typically when criticising someone’s actions.
And that is what I began to hear. Not only was should a constant word in my verbal discourse it was also at the core of how I spoke to myself in my head.
When we tell ourselves we should, we create an obligation, making us feel like there is no choice. We end up criticising ourselves for under performing as we constantly monitor what we should be doing, thinking, saying, remembering and how we should be behaving.
The saving grace is COULD.
Suddenly there is a choice: I COULD do something OR I COULD NOT do it. Should doesn’t allow for that choice, it obligates, corrects and leaves no room for any other option, we HAVE to do it.
We feel burdened.
We feel inadequate when we can’t.
We may run ourselves into the ground trying to do it all.
We may feel envious of those who don’t feel this obligation.
We rebel, not doing it and then feel guilty.
We are basically in FEAR about what might happen if we DON’T.
To begin to take the pressure off:
- Set an intention to listen to yourself, to find out what you actually say to yourself.
- Whenever you hear the shoulds replace them with COULD.
- Then listen again and ask yourself what it is that you fear will happen if you DON’T?
- This is where your work lies, this is where Change is Always Possible?
- What we fear is based on some belief we have and these run our lives without us even knowing it. As we become more aware of them we can use EFT to quieten the distress they cause, to change the emotions which drives them keeping us locked in thought patterns and behaviours that may not serve us.
Once you have identified a belief or fear you can start the process of change which will lead to a calmer more content and happy you. Begin with my EFT Tapping Basics guide found here.