I recently watched a programme about single and gay women trying to get pregnant with donor sperm from Denmark. You can buy the frozen sperm on-line and inseminate yourself, travel there for the procedure, or you can go through IVF treatment.
Watching this programme reminded me of my own journey to pregnancy. Unlike these women who may be normally fertile but do not, for one reason or another, have a man with whom to try, I was married but experiencing infertility.
It is a long story which I will only introduce today as I want to focus on the terrible stress women can experience when trying to get pregnant, especially other than the natural way.
I was thirty when we stopped using contraception. After a year I started to wonder if something might be wrong but didn’t want to actually consider that as a possibility, so life just carried on.
“Anyway”, I thought “we’re not REALLY trying , we’re just not using contraception!”
What I didn’t realise at that time was just how powerful the fantasy is.
When we want to have a baby we can, just like that!
Not necessarily correct as it turned out. I got very angry about this myth that I’d grown up surrounded with, that I’d believed, that felt real. Everything we’re exposed to from being little girls reading fairy stories to teenagers fawning over pop stars reinforces the idea that we can and will become mothers if and when we want to. It had never ever occurred to me that I may not be able to get pregnant and the slow dawning of my infertility reality was horrendous.
What is wrong?
Why can’t I get pregnant?
Why can everyone else get pregnant, it’s not fair?
There must be something wrong with me? Or maybe,
There’s something wrong with my partner?
The stress built as the truth slowly sank in.
I may not be able to get pregnant, I may never have a baby.
It occurs to me, 20 odd years later, that I now have tools that would have helped with that stress. If only I had all the skills and experience I have now, especially EFT and a mindfulness practice. I may not have had to suffer quite so much as I travelled along the infertility conveyor belt. All those days I didn’t want to be there dealing with what I had to. The anguish of seeing friends and family get pregnant with apparent ease. The plethora of unanswered questions whirring round my mind.
So often, especially when facing difficulties, people tell you to lighten up, calm down and relax. “It will help”, they say.
“I KNOW”, I used to scream inside smiling my thanks through gritted teeth.
Of course it is better to be relaxed and calm. But how? My chill-out remedies were few then, and not always the most healthy options!
Now I know better, I know freedom from those excruciating feelings is possible and it does not have to involve imbibing alcohol, shopping, smoking, food or any other commonly used stress soothers.
Whether or not these healthier alternatives will help someone get pregant, who knows, but they sure can help alleviate the massive array of adverse emotions as they try.
EFT works by tuning into the feelings and then releasing them. It can seem counter intuitive, especially when dealing with such roller coaster emotions as trying to get pregnant and not succeeding. They often feel too painful and intense to bear so we try to stuff them away or ignore them.
By gently exploring these feelings, without initially diving in, the intensity can be shaved off little by little. We don’t have to be swamped by them. Slowly slowly we can gain some freedom from them; a little respite as we travel this very challenging road.
EFT helps to turn off the stress reactions, those fight, flight, freeze responses which create all the problems in our bodies and minds. Couple EFT with a mindfulness practice and we begin to calm down and relax. In this state our bodies heal, our minds think more clearly and we find that many problems and worries which seemed insurmountable become manageable.
If you or someone you know is struggling to get pregnant, or is facing infertility procedures and the stress and strain of it is taking it’s toll, please call or email to arrange a free consultation to see if I can help.
[…] Next I may think about how fortunate I am to have my children. I faced infertility and IVF treatment so it is a miracle I ever become a mother. You can read more about that in my blog The Agony of Trying to Get pregnant. […]