live without social media

(Reading time 4 minutes. Commenting? Add a couple more)

Inconceivable as it may seem nowadays, it is entirely possible to live without social media. I’ve been doing it for over 18 months and survived.

Flirting with Facebook

I did however have a recent flirtation with Facebook. During the Extinction Rebellion protests in London I borrowed, with permission, access to someone else’s FB account. I told myself that because I had friends and family there I needed it. (This isn’t true, you can in fact access many FB pages without an account)

What a-mistaka-to-maka! But, I learned a few more things from this foray: 

  • Never borrow someone else’s account, an account is an account. It engenders, in me at any rate, a desire to check. Whether it’s hourly, daily or weekly the invitation is there, hovering in the ether, beckoning you back. 
  • There’s something very odd about profile photos. It was weird for me to witness the stream of self images, very odd indeed. To have one photo I understand, it’s good to see who you are communicating with, but the repeated uploading of more, no……that’s not right.  (We know why right? It’s driven by self-esteem issues, a need for external validation and affirmation, a desire for connection or something else now artificially fixed but never resolved). Very sad.
  • Just because you can do something does not mean you should. This applies, obviously to the self images mentioned above, but also to social media in general. 
  • My life is calmer and simpler and more deeply connected to what matters most to me when I live without social media.

We are the product

Whilst it’s true that it’s not all bad and it does make some sorts of communication easier, there are costs. This “free” service is exacting a price. These platforms are not there for you and me. These businesses are engaged in selling our personal information to third parties, for profit. We are the product on offer.

These sites are designed to manipulate our psychology. They need to be highly addictive so as to capture as much of our time and attention as possible. In fact recent research showed that,

“PSU (Problematic smartphone usage) was reported in approximately one in every four CYP (children and young people) and accompanied by an increased odds of poorer mental health. PSU is an evolving public health concern that requires greater study to determine the boundary between helpful and harmful technology use.”

BMC Psychiatry.

We have a huge and mounting problem going on in our society and I believe we, the adults, are the ones who need to face up to our own use so we can help our children. The sophisticated algorithms highjack our minds and create addictive behaviours to keep us on there. The longer we stay the greater the chance we will click a link, follow an advert or explore a suggested or sponsored post. All are potential cashflows to the true customers of social media, the advertisers.

“The like feature evolved to become the foundation on which Facebook rebuilt itself from fun amusement that people occasionally checked, to a digital slot machine that began to dominate its users’ time and attention.” 

Cal Newport, Digital Minimalism

What are the advantages?

Of course what they proffer feels beneficial, it has to be to keep us on-line. However my suggestion is that you look carefully at what the gains actually are?

  • Have you ever stopped to measure them, to consider their true worth in terms of your life, ambitions, dreams and desires?
  • Does being on social media support your life, enhance it’s quality and bring you more of what you seek, or does it in fact extract a price not worth paying?

For me the latter applies. 

I largely know what I want from my life. Life is short and it is precious.  It is a gift to be here on earth with all these incredible opportunities, with this chance to deeply embody what it means to be truly human.

Evolve

I haven’t always felt like this. For decades I struggled with depression, anxiety, deep self loathing, chronic illness bla bla. You get the picture? These dis-eases manifest, from the adaptations we made to cope with and survive unexpressed and unresolved issues in our lives. It takes time and energy to heal these, but I believe it’s a journey worth taking. To become more acquainted with my true self is liberating.

I am curious to understand more about who I am free of all the confines and constraints, of learned behaviour, social convention, norms, and of course the limiting beliefs I formed as a result of my particular experiences. 

“Now, the question Do I like myself? has been replaced by Am I liked?” 

Nancy Colier, The Power of Off. 

Fear of missing out

For me social media and many other on-line offerings are a distraction from this endeavour. The purported benefits distracted me from real life here on earth. They often created more suffering and angst, not less. When I indulged I felt harassed, anxious, overwhelmed and driven by a feeling/fear of missing out. There was always too much, to many and too little time to keep up with it all.

I felt bombarded.

Leaving it all behind, no social media, no Netflix, no Amazon Prime, no subscriptions and no TV, although not always easy, is definitely far more rewarding, (p.s. I do still watch stuff, I am not a digital saint). I do still occassionally wonder if I am missing out on something important, but I don’t think so.

Added Blessings

It’s not the potential loss that’s important. Instead I find it more rewarding to focus on the added blessings that I reap from living a less digitally connected life. Gradually I am creating a life more deeply grounded in real life, intimately interwoven with the people, places and things that I love and which genuinely enrich my life. 

Life is short, how do you want to spend your precious time, online or connected to all the raw beauty of a deeply embedded human life on earth?

At Blackwater Pond

At Blackwater pond the tossed waters have settled

after a night of rain.

I dip my cupped hands. I drink

a long time. It tastes

like stones, leaves, fire. It falls cold

into my body, waking the bones. I hear them

deep inside me, whispering

oh what is that beautiful thing

that just happened?

Mary Oliver

Radical self care