So….. it all caught up with me this morning.
I woke up feeling down and negative. I could feel the whispers of depression-past calling to me, willing me to trash my life. I wanted to lie down in it’s comfortable familiarity, to surrender to the insistent voice, let it engulf me and tell me just how awful it all is, how pointless and meaningless my life is.
I DID NOT want to have to help myself.
But help myself I had to, no-one else was going to do it, nor, could do it for me.
What I understand is that when I have run the tank a little too empty I am more vulnerable to the age old negative self-talk taking over. Neural pathways forged over decades of practice light up and direct me down their well worn routes. Here I can get caught up in all the old limiting beliefs and patterns that caused me to feel so bad in the past.
All the old feelings come flooding back and it becomes harder to stay on the newly wired brain pathways that I have been building more recently. These new tracks and footpaths are tender and new, they are about self-care, self-compassion and kindness towards myself, and they are easily swamped by the old stuff if I am not careful.
I now know, thank-you ME/CFS, that looking after myself well helps me feel better. Every time I choose to look after myself I am strengthening the new pathways in my brain which make it easier to stay on my track to vibrant health and wellbeing.
Testament to this new growth is the fact that I can now see what is happening and I have that gap in which I can choose. This morning despite great internal protestations and a huge desire to dive back under the duvet I chose to save myself.
So what did I do?
Nothing amazing, nothing elaborate, costly or difficult. I did my normal morning routine.
- Glass of warm water with lemon.
- Mindfulness meditation
- Writing in my journal.
- EFT practice.
- Gratitude practice.
- Super dooper breakfast.
All of this helped, it helped hugely. Although my mind raced through the meditation it did start to settle. Writing helped me to get a better perspective and to tune into exactly what I was feeling and then I used EFT.
EFT took me on a little journey as it often does, and I found myself remembering being shut in my bedroom as a child after being “naughty.” I felt so alone, helpless and trapped, everything seemed pointless and meaningless.
So you see, the feelings of today were actually related to old feelings hued out of a miserable experience in my past. They were triggered by my lack of good self-care this week and having had several stressful situations to deal with. These situations definitely make me feel trapped and a bit helpless. That stuck energy from way back made itself known again, triggered by today’s events.
All this might sound a bit sad or mad or perhaps you are feeling sorry for me, don’t.
I believe these things are opportunities to heal. By using EFT and looking after myself well this morning I have healed a little more. I have strengthen my self-care and compassion pathway. I have added weight to the belief that I CAN help myself feel better and best of all through the EFT I have taken the emotional charge out of that old event, so freeing myself from it’s impact on today.
In case you haven’t already guessed I love EFT. It has taught me so much and helped me free myself from emotional chains that bound me so tightly I often felt like not being here at all.
So do not despair there are ways to find help, to move on and change what can seem like impossible situations or to heal negative feelings that have you in their vice like grip.
There’s no magic bullet which instantly sorts all this stuff out, well not that I’ve found anyway, but I do believe that with the right support and with practice, perseverance and patience life can improve in ways you never imagined were possible.
There is hope.
If you would like to learn more about EFT you can start with my EFT tapping basics here.
If you would prefer to discuss your own situation in a little more depth you can book a free consultation here.